ok so i wanted to post this story to see what everyone thinks.
i wrote this for a language arts thing, but its not completed, cuz theres a part 2 to it, i will post that later when i find it, cuz i know i have it
i wrote this first cuz i had a dream of this, sry if the names are weird..... o.O
and the dream was rly....vivid i guess?
the original names were names of my best friends, and i guess i had the dream due to stress of an incident that happened a year ago.....
well! anyway, critiques are welcome and comments too
if theres anything i diddt edit, tell me and i will fix
<3
the pic is not done my me and since im retarded, i dun know how to put the story like in literature, can someone help me?
heres the story:
It was a cold, briskly day. The bell rang for dismissal and everyone rushed out of the classroom to their lockers. I stayed behind to talk to Ailana, Diana, and Alexa.
Then Alexa comes up to me and makes a funny face. I laugh at Alexa’s hilarious expression and turn to Ailana and share an inside joke
Ailana cracks up and Diana looks at us like we're speaking some kind of foreign language.
Diana hugs me tightly as Alexa tiptoes away from the scene, not wanting to end up like me, but Diana sees what she’s doing and grabs her and pulls her into the crushing hug anyway. Ms. Annette glares at us, her eyes saying, go away, I have a mountain load of papers to grade and you aren’t helping me finish them
I take her message and tried to pry myself off of Diana. Her grasp slowly breaks as Alexa tries to escape from the other side. Ailana stacked her chair on top of our table and grabbed her things and said, "Bye Tamsin! Bye Diana and Alexa"
We wave good bye to her and Alexa leaves the room franticly, as if forgetting something she had to do. I gather up my stuff and say goodbye to Diana who stays behind to talk to Ms. Annette. I put the backpack on my back and take out my cell phone, fumbling with the buttons to turn it on. I heard sounds of exclamation, and then looked up. Ailana and Emily (who joined Ailana after packing up) exclaimed and pointed out the window. I looked at what they were pointing at and I saw white puffs fall lightly on the ground. I smiled then made my way through the hall to the main hall when I saw Matt walking with his black backpack, head down. I ran a bit to catch up with him. I tapped him on the opposite shoulder, causing him to turn his head that way, looking confused at the wall. I giggled and he turned his head to my direction, looking somewhat weary. He said "hey"
"Hi! Going to get your cello?" I asked
He looked at me confused, as if missing the obvious "uh...yeah, where else could I be going?"
He sighed in exasperation and from the corner of my eye; I could see him roll his eyes.
He walked faster than me, as if in a hurry, and when his back was to me I glared at the back of his head. Hated him for a second for talking behind my back to his buddies. I sighed too and walked behind until we got to a narrower hall jam-packed with kids and crossed in the music hall, blending with the mob of kids rushing to the carpool lane. As I entered the room, my phone vibrated and I looked at the screen to see who it was and saw the word mom, I pushed up the slider and connected it to my ear and said, "Hallo?"
Mom spoke quickly, stopping in between my brothers screams every now and again
What she basically told me before she hung up, was that Erik was coming to pick me up because she wasn’t gonna be home when I got there.
I shut my phone and pictured Erik’s face. Erik, huh? Haven’t seen him in a while. It will be good talking to him. I shoved my phone in my pocket. I walked past the big lockers and glanced back at someone calling my name, I smiled at Joyce as she rushed past me and blocked my locker. I laughed and tried to shove her away. We both laughed a bit and shared some of today’s events with each other, I waved goodbye and left the room. I walked past the door leading to the buses. As I was walked past the theatre room I saw Yue and Matt walking together seemed to be talking about something important. I noticed Yue’s miffed expression as she pushed Matt to the right a little bit. As this happened, my head received a surge of pain. I bowed my head down and shut my eyes. Concentrating on the pain going away. I realized I had a headache, a bad one at that. I heard arguing voices and looked up at Matt screaming at Yue for who knows what. I stared at them confused, one eye still shut, trying to ease the pain. As we went outside into the snowy afternoon. I glanced around at the waiting, chatting kids on their cell phones and iPods. What happened next surprised a lot. I heard a 'whack' I looked up and saw Matt’s face facing the opposite way his body was facing Yue. Yue’s hand, open and outstretched towards him, I realized she slapped him. I stood frozen in the same place, wide-eyed at the whole scene. A few people stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to the 2 of them.
I heard footsteps coming up behind me as I realized that Ailana, Emily, and Miu were behind me. Ailana asking me all worried what happened?
I pointed toward the Yue and Matt scene. They stood wide-eyed too.
Yue screamed, "How could you say that you jerk??!?!?!
Matt turned his head slowly and glared at Yue and screamed back at her, "only because it’s true!!"
He lifted his leg and aimed it at her stomach and she shot back about 3 feet with an "ump!"
Then it got hairy from there.
They started sparring, not sparring like in tae kwon do, sparring as in actual fighting, you could see the hatred from both of them as punches and kicks were thrown.
Then something inside me clicked.
I shook my head and ran towards the scene, my mind blank, only focusing on Matt’s right arm extended back, ready for a punch. I grabbed it and pulled it towards me and said, "Stop it you guys!! Stop fighting!!"
Matt growled at me and I looked at him surprised
"Get away from me annoying girl"
Then that’s when I saw a pale fist connect to my cheek and I lost my grip on Matt’s arm and my balance as well, as I slipped on the slippery cold ground. I fell (my backpack and things were back with Ailana, Emily, and Miu.) A flurry of colors past by me, but the last scene I saw was Yue kicking Matt, and Erik running towards me. Then the scene strangely got taller.
*crack*
Complete silence was all I heard as I felt something warm, some warm water someone had poured on my head and wet my hair. I slowly lifted my head and two arms supported me. I realized it was Erik. I sat up, my head being pounded my hammers I saw something red on my white jacket. I realized that this was blood. I looked up at a prescience in front of me as I touched the spot in my head where the warm blood was coming out of. I looked up, I could hear voices, but they were muffled, (which made my head spin even more) and saw Matt I looked at him with wide eyes, but then I saw someone else that wasn’t Matt. A man, a man with long dark hair smirking back at me. It was then that I heard a blood-curling scream. It was after 3 seconds that I realized I was the one screaming. I looked at the man in horror. I screamed and thrashed (not a good idea because my head hurt and it was split open, sort of) as Matt and the man came toward me, horrified/snickering at my expression, the image flickered from Matt to the man. I screamed and shut my eyes, could feel Erik’s grip on me tightening, his sobs, worried about me. I stopped screaming when ‘Matt’ stopped coming for me. I felt really lightheaded. I closed my eyes wearily and let my body bring me down. I fell back on the snowy, wet, and pavement and rested. I am at peace, I thought to myself.

(Matt’s POV)
I arched my arm back and aimed for Yue’s face. This is over I thought. But then, something unexpected happened, some strong, yet frail arms held me back and they began pulling me away from Yue.
I glanced back to see it was Shana.
Ugh
Her again
My god she was so annoying, she screamed something at me, I didn’t care what she was saying, so I thought, I’ll silence her as well.
I arched my left arm behind me and plunged it forward toward Shana’s face. The impact was hard. I hurt my knuckles as I turned back to Yue to punch her and felt Shana’s grip on my arm loosening.
Yue already had something in store for me. I saw her right leg come up and plunge into my stomach. I grabbed my stomach as I looked up and saw a dark-blue haired boy running past her screaming something (Erik screaming for Shana) then the next sound I heard stopped me dead in my tracks
A loud sickening crack.
Then complete silence after that
Everyone heard that. There was no way somebody a mile away didn’t hear it. It was so loud and clear
I turned around slowly only to stare wide-eyed at the scene before me.
Shana was on the floor. Her face facing the floor, while soft snowflakes fell lightly on top of her. I blinked as if not believing what I was seeing. Everyone looked at her in pure shock and agony.
But, I soon realized that they weren’t just looking at the girl with the white jacket who smiles a lot on the floor. No, they were focusing on the same thing I was. They were all looking at the red liquid surrounding her head slowly like a ripple of water.